2019

Here comes half of the year of 2019.

Not too sure about it, but I'm kinda messed up myself in this year.

I did something that is just so not me and I really dislike myself in this way. 

I wanted to make changes in myself.

Despite the bad things that happened, there's so much changes in me and my life in this 2 years.

To be honest after what I've been through, I am so grateful for this broke up. 

I've gained so so much from there and I am on my way to become a better person.

Not to forget the anonymous who sent me the email 2 years ago to let me know the truth. 

If you happen to read my blog again, thank you. You have no idea how much you helped me at that tough time.

Cheers, till next time.

再一次

嗯...三年后的今天我再一次跌倒。跌得还要伤 还要痛...
其实所有东西都已经很明显了 是自己在执着 是自己始终不肯去承认和面对。
告诉自己要为自己 为我们勇敢 但是每一次的勇敢后换回来的是你的冷漠无情与自己的浑身伤痛。我以为我坚持就能够争取回幸福 到最后还是被你一次又一次狠狠的把我推开。
如果可以 我不想那么坚强。
如果可以 我也想要洒脱点。
其实我并不坚强 并不潇洒，而你却那么潇洒 那么洒脱 说走就走 说变了就变了。
曾经那么熟悉的你 突然变得那么陌生 突然连你的名字也与我无关...看着你的眼睛 我知道再也找不到我的身影了...我的心承受着多大的痛 你会懂吗？你永远都不会懂也不会明白这个痛。
你已经表现得非常明白 我知道 你没有舍不得。曾经说过的 曾经经历的 或许你已经忘得一干二净了...但我却历历在目 舍不得的也只有自己。
不知道为什么最近说得最多的话是恭喜 恭喜她们找到自己的幸福。心里莫名的痛涌上心头因为我一直以为我自己也有这样的一个人愿意牵着我的手 和我一起走以后未知的路...但是原来也是我自己的一厢情愿而已。
你总是告诉我说以后有什么不开心的事情可以告诉你 什么事情都可以谈 可以一起讨论 说真的我真的很喜欢这样的你。就算是到后来你还是告诉我说不开心要说出来。我天真的以为把所有东西说出来后能够一起解决，可是到最后你却告诉我说你没办法给我想要的...那一路以来我们讨论的是为了什么？是想要这样的结局吗？
我想 现在的你应该觉得解脱了吧...不再有我这一个包袱。因为你说的一句变了 我必须一个人默默的去承受所有的痛。你曾想过还爱着你的我应该怎么办吗？每一次想起你 所有的回忆都狠狠的往我砸 砸得我再也无法控制 无法呼吸...只能做的是一个人躲起来放声大哭。
没有你的日子 每一天都在猜你在干嘛 你在哪里...电话里头再也没有你的信息 你的消息。总是希望能够再次收到你的信息 能够牵你的手 能够看着你的脸发呆 能够躲进你的怀里一起看戏 一起说废话还是静静的也很满足 喝酒后也会有你陪我一起入睡...我多么希望能够与你分担你我的喜怒哀乐 多么希望不管有什么问题都会有你我在身边支持着对方...但是现在这所有一切 我只能凭空想象与怀念...
你曾经说过的我都把它们记在心里。你是一个不会用言语去表达爱的人 所以你说了 我相信了 但你却走了。
到现在我还是不明白到底是什么造就了今天的我们...我拼了命去守护着 但你却无动于衷。我并不后悔我所做的一切 至少我知道我真的用尽了全力去守护 为了我们 我勇敢过了。只是到最后你还是坚持着感觉已经变了来结束我们这三年所有的一切。或许对你来说也只不过是如此 因为在你心里我也只不过是如此。

其实我知道 你爱你自己更多。

此时此刻的我很想念你曾对我的温柔...

09/08

一个月了 每一天还是重复着3年里的习惯。每天早上一睁开眼睛想的第一件事就是你 晚上睡觉之前满脑想的还是你。眼泪流了一个月…思念从未减少和停止过。
一个月了 每一天早上睡醒时空虚感一定找上我。从以前每天放工回家后一定睡觉的我到现在能避免不睡觉就不睡觉。不是不累 而是害怕 一次又一次没原因的被吓醒后的空虚感是比平时的增加了一百倍 一千倍…
很多事情看似昨天才发生 很真实，但是当回过神来 今天所有的事情已经完完全全的不一样了。我 还是没办法接受 没办法面对。
我想 你已经走了很远很远。而我还在原地的希望你能回头看一看我。

心

充满枷锁的心 一个人的世界要藏着多少的秘密。

为什么连一个想要谈心的朋友都没有了...

Basic Make Up Tips

MAKE UP IS EVERY GIRL'S BEST FRIEND!

I bet every girl and woman loves make up, so do I! Who doesn't want to looks good? To me, make up is important for some occasions, because my confidence boost up immediately with a slight touch of make up. But before having all the make up on, be sure that you did the correct foundations to avoid your skin gets too dry. OR if you're a beginner who always want to have a try on make up but didn't know where to start from, here's some basic make up tips for you to be aware of.

#1 Discover your Complexion 

The first make up tip for a beginner all revolves around your complexion. This is important because without knowing your true skin tone it will be hard to choose a foundation base which can blend in.

#2 Moisturize

You should always moisturize your skin before applying any make up on, whether you are dry skin, oily skin or a combination skin. You will want to look fresh and not have make up that cracks dry on your face.
Tip: If you have an oily or a combination skin, choose a mist or a gel based moisturizer instead of cream based.

#3 Sunblock/Sunscreen

This is the thing that i wouldn't have missed it everyday! If you don't want your face full with freckles, you should always have your sunblock/sunscreen on. Whether you're in the house or you're outside the house, UV is all around us. *You can choose the matte based if you want to avoid the stickiness of the sunblock.

#4 Primer

Primer is actually how you can keep your makeup looking fresh and stay on all day. It smoothes out the skin's surface and reduces shine caused by sebum. This is crucial for those who needs to works all day or have to be meeting people for hours.

#5 Lipstick/Lip Gloss

After all, applying a tint of lipstick will definitely enhance your features and makes you looks fresh all day. Choose the colors like nude, peach or baby pink which suitable with your skin tone. If you're not a huge fan of lipstick, you can go for the lip gloss.

That's all for this. 

I hope this could gives a better understanding on the basic make up to everyone of you!

Cheers xx

不成熟

對不起 我不知道我是那麼的懦弱 我一點都不灑脫 一點都不瀟灑。到底是什麼把我和之前的性格通通都反過來了？

我痛恨自己這個樣子 總是胡思亂想 總是為了小事流淚 我厭倦這樣的我。其實我都知道總有一天你會對這樣的我覺得很厭倦 很不耐煩。或者 其实已经开始了...

說真的 我明白有誰會想要在工作的時候已經那麼累了 還要看著我一副天天在為小事 有的沒的而不開心的樣子？

以前的我呢？以前可以很開心的我呢？其實我很累 我很累每一天要面對這樣的自己。

對 當我看見你這樣說 我腦海出現的就是以前的我。感覺上我們可能會調換角色了 不好受 但是我知道不應該阻止 我不應該那麼自私。我沒有怪意。不開心 一定會有 但是我知道我需要時間去習慣這一切。或許這是我的懲罰？報應？

其實我都知道我再這樣繼續的情緒化會影響你 所以有時候不說出來是因為不想因為小事而煩你；不說出來是因為這是小事我應該自己解決。

但是情緒化開始越來越嚴重 很可怕。

明明自己有多不開心 還安慰別人說要開心。多諷刺。

原諒我那麼的不爭氣

原諒我那麼的不堅強

原諒我那麼的不成熟。

Phuket Trip

After so long, finally here's the trip with the 38-po's'. It just a 3 days 2 nights trip to Phuket. The day before flight, slept for only 2.5 hours because our flight was 7.25 in the early morning, exhausted...

So we booked Baan Yin Dee Boutique Resort for our stays. Basically is for 2 persons' room, but it is definitely a spacious room for 2.

Lunch @ Thai Restaurant after checking in.
Went to visit Upside down house, cost 250 baht per person for the entrance.

Show time. Simon Cabaret and so called 'ah-gua shows'. It costs us 650 baht per person. The show not bad thou.

Day 2, going to island hoping day. Visited the famous island, Phi Phi island. Feeling excited when we are otw to there, but at the end what I saw is just.....

The crowds is insane! I don't see any beautiful scene but only peoples all around. So what we can do only selfie around...

They provide us fruits, biscuit and also soda, mineral drinks during the island hoping too. How caring...

After few hours of island hoping, back to the resort to swim with macam yes's picture.
Beer by the pool...

And day 2 ended like this...

We also went to para sailing at the last day of our trip after checking out.

Last meal in Phuket.

Even though there's nothing much fun in Phuket but with you girls, we created our own fun between us. Hopefully there's another trip with you girls in the future...


Till then.